Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Ready for Part 2?

Hi there, thanks for coming back to read the rest of this drama that is our lives. Let's see where did we leave off? Oh yeah, we had just moved back to Florida from PA the beginning of March '06. I was enjoying every minuet of being Elijah's mommy. I didn't mind getting up in the middle of the night with him because that was our special time for just the two of us.

It was really hard to leave the training. To just stop in the middle of it like that killed me! I try really hard to finish what i start and i had worked so hard on everything so far. At that point the previous seven months seemed like a total wast. If we went back to the training i would have to start over. But we know that with God time is never wasted. I just had to trust Him on that!

My husband is a really hard worker who likes to keep busy so when he started working full time job he started feeling better. But we still weren't sure where to go from here. My parents were gracious in letting us stay with them for a while. We looked at apartments but they all required that we sign a whole years lease and we didn't know where we would be in a year. So we stayed with my parents. It was kind of funny because growing up my mom always said that the family was our training ground for life once we grew up. If we could get along with your brothers and sisters we could get along with most anybody! Well, since I found myself back home i guess i didn't pass the first time around so God sent me back to take the test again! yikes! I was determined to pass this time! =)
Shortly after the move back to FL I remember going to the beach to get away from it all. The beach is a great place for me to clear my head. I sat there begging God to give me direction or understanding and all I heard was "trust me". But that was good enough for me. If He wanted me to trust Him without knowing the answers then I would trust.

The mission organization we were wanting to work with is structured so that the local churches are the ones "sending" out the missionaries. So in order for us to continue with them we would have to have a church behind us supporting our decision to go on with the training and over seas.

That fall Geoff and I finally got to met with the leadership at the church we were attending. We told them we were hoping to go back and finish the training the next fall. Basically they told us that they didn't think we were ready to go. We were "too young and immature" and we needed to forget about the mission idea right now and settle down here in Florida and concentrate on becoming a "family unit" as they called it. Or had we thought about settling here and Geoff going on short mission trips here and there? Needless to say, we came out of that meeting very discouraged. Some thing that drives me absolutely crazy is that once people hear some one is struggling with depression (the D word. it's interesting nobody wants to actually call it by name) they label/judge that person and they look at them differently than they did before. It's like that's all they see when they look at them. They can't see the good qualities anymore, and it drives me nuts! Nobody is perfect. Some people just hide their weakness better than others. It's so fake. I would rather admit i have a problem and have friends who accept me the way i am than to pretend to be someone i'm not and have people "accept" the person they think is me. And if admitting we have a need and asking for help makes us immature then I guess we are.

At that point all our dreams and plans lay scattered on the ground. It hurt so bad. We KNEW what God wanted us to do but here were people standing in our way saying "no, that's not what God's wants you to do."

Up to that point Geoff and I had been headed in the same direction with the same plans and dreams. Our whole dating and married life our focus had been on getting to the mission field. Our goal of going to the mission field was the main thing we had in common and when that common denominator was taken away we struggled for a while to find a new focus. God's been faithful to show us that our focus shouldn't not be on "getting to the mission field" it should be on getting to know Him. So i know this time has been good for us in that God has taught us a lot.

This past summer we were able to buy a house. And for a while there i was getting pretty comfortable. My wonderful hubby blessed me in that he's allowed me to be able to stay home and care for the house and our son. What Joy! It's been so great to learn how to manage a house and to be here for my husband and son. But in the back of my mind I've known this wouldn't last forever. At first I was really stressing about it. Thinking "but i like it here!", "i don't want to say goodbye to my family and friends!", "i don't want to have to move again!", "what am i going to do with all my stuff? i like my things!", "I don't want to take Elijah away from my family", "i really don't want to go back to the training!". Geoff was thoughtful and said we wouldn't go until i was ready. And as time has gone on i know the Lord has worked on my heart and I've had more peace about it. And now I'm excited! He has a way of doing that! =) All these things that I'm hanging on to are important, like my family and friends but they will always be a part of my life no matter where I am. And as for the other things we'll deal with them as they come i guess! In the end what really matters? My things or people's souls?

Elijah is up now so i need to go for now. I'm going to go back and put pictures in to go along with the story. I'll put some on the last post as well.

<><, Melissa


by Ashlee & Her Mommee, said...

ooo oo! i wanna hear more! :)

Becky K. said...

So...you left us hanging...again!

Love the pictures.

You must come back to PA to say "hello" before you are off and running anywhere.

Becky K.

Mrs. Rabe said...

Seems like you might be headed to MO soon, eh?

We definately need a visit - I agree with Becky!

Elijah's Mommy said...

I would love to visit you all! I'm sure Geoff would enjoy a visit to PA as well! We'll see what we can do.

Miss Paula said...

We will be there in August!!

About the D word, I have struggled with this for years but didn't get a label until after my last child. I take Rx and I see it as a tool to spark the brain. Most people wouldn't know that I struggle with this but I still tell anyone if the subject comes up. If I can be a help to someone then that's why I have this. Maybe there is someone on the Mission Field that will struggle with this and the only one to help will be your dear husband because he lives it. Does everyone have to be perfect to go to the Mission field or is everyone perfect that is already there? I doubt it. I say carry on and use the D as a way to reach out to others.

by Ashlee & Her Mommee, said...

is there more to this story? i've been waiting! :)

monica said...

Thanks for sharing part of your journey Melissa...its brought tears to my eyes and i feel with my heart, as 2 years ago i had a breakdown and was diagoised with bipolar(part depression) and anxiety. And it is been a tough adjustment...but God has been faithful and somehow brought me through some dark valleys and I know He'll continue to do the same for you, Geoff & your beautiful children, just as He will for me too. Thanks again for sharing, and keep trusting and sticking up for the Special journey God has designed just for you...its worth traveling even through painful times....Gods tender mercies and grace will always wash over you & me again and again.